The Purse Wedgie

I got this article from Glamour about the "Purse Wedgie"...Huh? Yes, my reaction exactly. Apparently the purse wedgie occurs when your shoulder purse decides you need to show a bit more skin, in this case, a bit more booty. So it rides up your skirt until your badonkadonk is out for all to see.

I'm not much for skirt wearing (surprising right?) however my equivalent to the purse wedgie is when my shoulder bag wants to pimp me out and turns all my t-shirts into belly shirts. Does anyone else have this problem? I'd be walking down the street and next thing you know, my belly is out because my shoulder bag causes the side of my shirt to ride up. 

I have yet to figure out a solution to this problem because:

1. I don't like to tuck in my shirt. 80% of the time, a tucked shirt is not attractive. 
2. I can wear the shoulder bag on one shoulder (not across the chest) but that defeats the purpose of the bag. Its not comfortable. 
3. Backpacks make me look 10 years younger. 

So who has THE solution. I'm all ears. 

Random

Randomly came across this last weekend and just thought I'd share.  Who says hammocks are for palm trees and tropical places? Apparently light poles make due just fine.

Gotta give him points for creativity.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It is time to say farewell to summer. I love the fall weather but I'm not one to sing in the rain. I hate the rain actually. There is nothing worse than sitting at work in damp, wet clothes.  I never check the weather so this happens to me quite often.  But on those rainy mornings (when I can actually hear and see the rain pounding my window), I make sure to throw on my trusty rain boots.  Don't let the torrential downpour wipe you out and ruin your fab jeans.

I was never into the random barf of colors type of rain boots

These are more my style

Hunter makes great simple rain boots that look like regular black boots. Any shoe store will have a good selection to choose from.  For the sportier and rugged boots, check out Paragon.

Trend Alert: The Jock Jacket

I have to admit I have been turning a blind eye on this one. The douchey varsity jock jacket.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted one at one point in my life...in high school!

These jackets were never in nor out. It was just something people wore.  I see them occasionally in hip hop fashion but it generally violates my #1 rule, fitted. I'm too young to want to look 10 years younger and that's how I would feel wearing a varsity jacket. But now they are showing up on the runways with a more fitted and adult feel, becoming a part of 2011's fall trend.

Will I cave in on this one? Maybe.

How to Dress for a Hurricane

Even in a hurricane, you have to dress to impress. Who knows who you will run into in the chaos, a damsel in distress? A hottie seeking warmth? You get the idea. If you don't want to ruin a suit, throw this on.

Alright, I'm just bullshitting. Be safe. Take caution.

I, on the other hand, am heading to a party cuz I always gotta be P.T.P (Prepared to Party)

Don't be Scared of Makeup

In keeping with the tradition of vanity, I urge all my butchies to be not afraid of makeup but to embrace it. We all have imperfections that makeup can cover as well as features that makeup can enhance. I don't like to spend too much time getting ready so I focus on the essentials. I have Asian eyes (cuz I'm Asian) so I always keep a stash of black eyeliner handy. Something as simple as just wearing eyeliner makes a real difference. Trust.  Now, I don't know about you, but my eyelashes are like spears made of steel going one direction and one direction only, down. But if you have nice lashes, go for a curler and maybe some mascara. And to wrap things up, unless your face resembles the grand canyon, I would ditch the foundation.

Let's face it, beauty is not in the eye of the beholder but in the eye of society. Let's show the world how pretty us butchies can be. 

Essential Items.
1. Eyeliner
2. Mascara
3. Eyelash Curler

The key is to go simple, NOT to look like a drag queen. 

Celebs Gone Boi

I was browsing through Glamour mag's website and stumbled upon this. Celebs rocking a boyish look. There is an indescribable sexiness to it.  It actually gives me a boost of confidence when I put on a great outfit knowing that its instyle and I'm not pegged as just another lesbian. So don't be afraid to dress boi, add a slight feminine touch and you'll be exuding sexiness. Trust.

Diane Kruger

Odette Annable

Butch Done Right

Like great meat, a butch done right is rare which is why I had to take a picture of our friend here when I bumped into her at Stonewall Saturday night. The tie, the shirt, the vest, the belt, the pants, everything. All nicely fitted to a woman's body, love it. The tat is awesome and I love a butch who wears make-up. Which leads me to another Golden Rule, don't be afraid of make-up!

As a follow-up to my Mad Men post, I think I just found my first Mad Woman.

Mad Men Butchified

It is 2011. Who says there are no Don Drapers walking around with a vagina? More and more high powered woman are emerging in the world of PR, Advertising, and Marketing. My gut tells me they can't all be straight so don't be afraid to dress like a "Mad Woman." Here are the essentials to dress the part:

1. Slim fitted suit. Most women's suits have a tapered look since it is important to us to show our figure.  To achieve a more boyish fit, grab a slim fitting men's suit and have it tailored to your body.
2. White button down with french cuffs.
3. White handkerchief for the breast pocket (make sure your suit has a breast pocket)
4. Solid slim black or striped tie.  Bow ties work as well.
5. Dark colored Fedora

Sexy Slideshow

I came across this slideshow on GQ "Women: Sexy In Our Clothes." I thought to myself, sweet! gonna get some style ideas out of this one. Nope, I was wrong and shame on me for expecting something other than half naked women in a Men's magazine.

But then again, what's wrong with a slideshow of half naked women? ;)
Enjoy:
http://www.gq.com/women/photos/201108/women-in-menswear#slide=1

Trend Alert: Polka Dots

Picked up the amNY this morning on my way to work and apparently polka dots are making an appearance on all the runways.

Now, I wouldn't go polka crazy.  If I went head to toe like our little model here, I feel like it would absorb into my blood and next thing you know, I'd be shitting polka dots. So here are some ideas to incorporate this trend.

Say yes to the vest.

Butch Mess of the Day

Unacceptable bar attire.

You must be lost. The farms are about 500 miles South.

Miley Cyrus's Equality Tat

Always nice to see celebrities supporting our community. The tat is a bit subtle but the good intention is conveyed :)

source: http://yfrog.com/klqc7jlj

Swimwear for the Butch

What better way to beat the dog days of summer than to hit the beach or chill out, pool side.  Now, I know it is hard for us butchies to find the perfect swimwear.  You don't want to walk around in men's swim trunks and a t shirt nor do you want to wear a skimpy bikini.

Actually, I, on the other hand, love to show off my ASSets so I do occasionally wear a skimpy bikini. Time is our enemy and I can't let this sporty body go to waste.  BUT, I do like to add some boyish qualities to my swimwear when I'm not in the water or tanning.  An easy way to do this is to throw on a pair of women's swim trunks. Swim trunks and a bikini top. Did someone say hot surfer chick look? Bom Chicka Wah Wah.

For those of you who like a little more cover-up, match the swim trunks with a cute tankini top. Here are some ideas:

 Where to find these items?
Tops: I see tankinis everywhere now but if you're going for something sportier looking, try the athletic shops; Nike, Adidas, Reebok, etc. A sports bra with the board shorts would be a good look as well.
Swim Shorts: PacSun has a great selection for girls. Look for the surfer brands, Volcom, Oakley, Billabong etc.

Shoes for Every Occasion

Shoes are powerful little creatures.  They can really add that BAM! affect to a plain outfit and it always feels great when someone stops you on the street just to say, "hey, awesome shoes."

Sometimes we fall into the "One Pair of Shoes Death Trap" routine where we wear the same pair of shoes day in and day out because:

1. It is easy to put on, grab and go. 
2. Sort of matches with everything because it is so plain.  

I am guilty of this as well so here is a little guide to help us step out of this routine:

Where to find these awesome shoes?

Corporate: ALDO. They have a wide selection of leather shoes, not too femme. Perfect.
Business Casual: Boat shoes are in. Timberland, Lacoste, Vans, take your pick.
Laid-back: Converse.  Everybody and their grandma has a pair.
Casual: RYZ G3-series. Subtle, but definitely fly.  
Street: Reebok.  Don't be afraid to make a statement.
Beach: Old Navy. Flip flops, mix and match, get every color!

Prepare your wardrobe for "F*ck Off Days"

We all have these days when we wake up, roll out of bed, look in the mirror and see a stink face glaring back at us. No one wants to be a grouchy bitch but hey, we're all human. We all have days when we just don't give a rats ass what other people think, throw on some bummy clothes and call it a day. 

Newsflash: no one cares or knows you're having a bad day.  Don't let feeling like shit make you look like shit.  So in order to avoid ending up on "Butch Mess of the Day", prepare your wardrobe for "F*ck Off Days."

1. Go treat yourself and buy a nice pair of fitted jeans.
2. Comfy designer pull-over Ts.  
3. Slip on Vans or Converses. 
4. A nice hat.

Every time you see your reflection and think, "DAMN, I look good" it'll make your day better and better.  Trust.  

Fat Tip

Just got this pic from a friend and thought it fell into the "Fat Tip" category but also wanted to share simply for amusement.  If you have one of these in your car, fling it out the window immediately.

Butch Mess of the Day

Is it wise to wear all this heat absorbent clothes on a scorching 95 degree day in New York City?

Oh and don't get me started on the crew socks.  Always wear ankle socks with shorts, always.

Stubborness

Are androgynous lesbians more stubborn than femme lesbians? I mean men are more stubborn than woman and we do have some masculine traits. Maybe it is in our blood. Who knows.

The other day I lugged home a 50lb air conditioner on an NYC subway, traveling about 150 blocks back to my 5 story walk-up.  By the time I made it to my apartment, I looked like I had been KO'd by a tsunami.  So , why didn't I just take a cab? I went through all this trouble merely because my girl said I couldn't do it.

3 days later, I still can't lift my arms.  

Trend Alert

Just got this email from H&M, brighten things up!

Fat Tip

You've read it before, now you're going to read it here. Start the day right, always always eat breakfast.  Try doing a high protein breakfast, quick and simple. 

• Two hard boiled eggs (you can boil them the night before)
• Turkey sausage (frozen, throw it into the microwave, done)
• Or egg white veggie omelet if you have time.

Do this for 2 weeks and you will not be surprised when your 360 muffin top is not Texas-sized anymore.

Bedazzling Shoes

I am definitely feeling these shoes.  Just looking at them makes me want to dance, James Brown style.

source: http://cocoperez.com/2011-07-13-our-new-fashion-obsession/?feat=yes

Let's get funky.

Are You in a Worst-Dressed City?

Just came across this slideshow on GQ, "The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America." Anyone else thinking that's like the whole Unites States? A worst 10 list would have been better, but too bad I'm not an editor at GQ.

Take a look and if you live in one of these cities, try NOT to blend in.

http://www.gq.com/style/fashion/201107/worst-dressed-cities-america#slide=1

Trend Alert: Wristbands

According to GQ, wristbands are in.  Celebrities from Kanye to Johnny Depp were seen rocking these bad boys.  This would be a good step away from the token leather wristband that is so loved by boi lesbians. 

Source: http://www.gq.com/how-to/summer

LezQ approved. Ditch the leather wristband.
 

Toronto Pride Review

A little overdue but here it goes. Toronto gets:
3 wet panties!

Pros:

1. Large LGBT population, lots of diversity.
2. 3 day long street festival. The best part, wait for it, it was FREE! When I was in Pittsburgh Pride, the festival cost me $30 entrance. 
3. Saw a lot of good looking Canadians. Must be in the drinking water or the free healthcare. Who knows. 
4. A number of girl parties to choose from.   

Cons:

1. Crowded crowded crowded
2. Can only purchase alcohol from a liquor store. Say what?? Boo. I'm a New Yorker, I can get booze from a street cart.

Alright, let's get down to the most important observation I took back to the States and snuck through Customs:

So what do US lesbians have on top of toronto lesbians? Maybe 30lbs and a bucket of fried chicken, but that's about it. Not only are Toronto lesbians fit, they have style.  Everyone had their own style from their hair down to their shoes.

We gotta get it together bois. I will have to start a series of posts on fitness and nutrition because there is a difference between clothes that are intentionally fitted, and clothes that are just too tight cuz you're too fat.  I'll leave it to you to figure out which one is sexier.

Oh, forgot to mention, for those with an asian fetish, Toronto is the place to go.

Butch Mess of the Day

Did you fall into a rainbow puddle Miss Butch Mess? Too many colors, too much.  The panties are really the icing on the cake here. Boi, even if you're still in high school, pull up your pants!

Trend Alert: LMFAO Pants

LMFAO zebra print pants. Yay or nay?

Yay. Prints are in.

WWGD?

When in style doubt, I ask myself "What Would the Gays Do?"

Everyone knows our male counterparts have impeccable style. You will see the gays start a trend one season and the straight men wearing it the next.  We all know in men's fashion, one season its for "the out", the next, its "in".

So look around, take some notes.

Hitting on Girls: there is a time and a place

Bars, cafes, clubs, dog parks, work, laundry mats, street festivals, you name it but NOT WHILE WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

Why not?

1. Do you really think you'll get a number? Your chances are very low.
2. People walk for one reason, to get somewhere! No, they don't want to be harassed.  
3. It's skeevy

So this post goes out to my femmes. Often times I see skeevy men and sometimes lesbians holler at a girl on the street like she is a piece of prime rib.  No. You ain't gettin' any, so it is time to stop. 

LezQ Acceptable Behavior for Flirting While Strolling:

1. Check the girl out, look her up and down. Girl looks good for a reason, she wants people to acknowledge.
2. Flash those pearly whites (make it a smirk for those pearly yellows...) 
3. If she smiles back, combine #2 with a simple "Hey"
4. If you think you got the in, spark a convo. If not, KEEP WALKING.  Girls like attention from cute girls but keep it subtle and simple. Most likely you've made her day and she has made yours.

BBQ Wear

Time to fire up that grill. As you head to your 4th of July beer, burgers, and hot dog binge don't forget about your outfit. Baggy cargo/plaid shorts and a white tank is unacceptable.

Even if your BBQ is in a trailer park, don't do this:

Brighten things up:

The "3 Day Rule"

I had a discussion the other day with one of my guy friends about the 3 day rule of contacting a girl you recently met. Over the years, my girl friends have noticed that it usually takes about 3 days for someone to contact them.  My girlfriend thinks this is plain idiotic and knocks me in the head every time I mention this "3 day rule." But here are the reasons why this rule exists:

1. If you a playa, you can skip this. You know the game. 
2. Contacting a girl right away makes her think you are a bit desperate. 
3. Or you have nothing else going on in your life. 
4. It gives her imagination some room to dance.  What did you look like again? I wonder if I'll get a text? But I thought we flirted? etc
5. It prolongs the fun.

Okay, so here's my 2 cents on this rule:

1 cent: If you had a short flirty conversation and got her number then the rule is in play. The 3 is arbitrary. It can be 1 or 2 days but take your time. Remember, make it fun.

2 cents: If you really hit it off with a girl, it is no holds barred. You know, she knows, stop f*cking around.

I clearly made this 3 day rule up but it seems to exist in the dating realm. But like all rules, sometimes they are meant to be broken. (Unless the rules are Golden ;) )

Butch Mess of the Day

Below is the reason why I blog ladies and gentle ladies. Please advert the eyes of children, we don't want them growing up thinking this is okay:

I assume you answer to a father named Bubba and drive a tractor trailer Ms. Butch Mess.  Please incinerate that vest, now.

Chicago Pride Review

I am writing to you while still recovering from my awesome trip to Chi-town.  Before I start, I decided to come up with a rating system, the wet panty scale.

4 wet panties = All aspects of the city got me wet.
3 wet panties = Cool city, great people, will visit again.
2 wet panties = The meaning of the response people give you when they say "it was nice."
1 wet panty = Why pay when I can do it myself?

So here it goes...drum roll...I give Chicago 4 wet panties! with some assistance from the company of my girlfriend of course ;).  It was hard to soak up as much partying as I possibly could in the 36 hours that I was there. Partying on vacation is like packing, always have a plan. Here is what I packed in:

    1. Upon touch down I kicked off my Chicago Pride-a-thon with brunch
    2. Crashed the Chicago Pride Fest and threw back a few Budlights
    3. Hit up the popular Spin nightclub and got to meet the fabulous ladies of RuPaul's Drag Race, Mimi Imfurst and Ongina. She worked that stage like it was nobody's business. Move over Tyra, Ongina stuck her rainbow flag into Fierceville and she is not giving it back. 

    4. Woke up to pancakes and Mimosas as I prepared myself for an all day Pride celebration!  

I did Chicago Rockstar style, catching about 3 hours of sleep the whole time I was there. Which brings us to a sub-bullet of Golden Rule #2, Always Party Like a Rockstar.

Hope you enjoyed your Pride celebrations. Next stop, Toronto Pride!

Finally Marriage Equality in NY!

It's about time.  Many thanks to those who fought to make this happen :)

Looks like us butchies need to start saving for that ring.

Pride is in the Air - Time to Travel

Happy Pride!  I am packed and ready to hit up Chi-town.  This will be my second year attending Chicago Pride. I had a blast last year so my expectations are high.  Don't disappoint me Chicago.  Anyway, as I was packing, I thought a little session on packing 101 seemed appropriate. 

I like to look my best when traveling to another city because most likely your first impression will be your last impression and I want mine to sizzle in like branding a cow's ass.  Making an impression doesn't have to be difficult, you just have to choose your outfits wisely.  I decided to compile a list of the essential items I always bring with me.   

                1. Jeans - a dark pair to go out and a casual pair for the day

                2. V-neck white and black Ts.  (I like to show skin, so v-necks all the way)

                3. A tie - remember "burst of color"

                4. A button down shirt

                5. Blazer

                6. Pair of black canvas sneakers - comfortable and appropriate for the nightlife.

                7. A sparkly necklace - (A sparkle catches a girl's eye like moths to a flame)

                8. A pair of superstar shades 

Sounds boring? If you really think about it, I can create 10 outfits from just using the items above. It's all about accessorizing a simple outfit, hence the tie and necklace, but throw in other accessories you see fit.  Versatile items let you look good in the day and prepared to party at night.  Which brings me to Golden Rule #2, always be PTP (Prepared to Party)

Suit up!

There is a reason why Barney Stinson gets girls and it is not because of his adorable Neil Patrick Harris face.  It is because Girls Love Suits. It doesn't matter if they are straight, gay, bi, or alien, Girls Love Suits.  When possessed with suit goggles, a 2 becomes conversable, a 4 is now dateable , a 6 is sex on the first date, and a 10 is f*ck me in the bathroom NOW.  Okay, you get the point. Suit up!

The dos and don'ts of suiting up and I'll make this simple:

Do

Don't

Follow the golden rule, make it fitted or don't do it at all.  Adjustments I would make on the first pic (Ellen Page fyi) is to add what my girlfriend calls "a burst of color." I have to admit, when it comes to color, I'm the special kid in kindergarten who ate glue in the corner.  It is hard to coordinate color but it is very easy to add a burst of color to your outfit.  Instead of a black tie, I would have gone with something unexpected. Orange? Yellow? Pink? Or change the white handkerchief to something colorful.  

 

Embrace color.  It makes you more approachable and tells people you're fun and not just another suit.