Swimwear for the Butch

What better way to beat the dog days of summer than to hit the beach or chill out, pool side.  Now, I know it is hard for us butchies to find the perfect swimwear.  You don't want to walk around in men's swim trunks and a t shirt nor do you want to wear a skimpy bikini.

Actually, I, on the other hand, love to show off my ASSets so I do occasionally wear a skimpy bikini. Time is our enemy and I can't let this sporty body go to waste.  BUT, I do like to add some boyish qualities to my swimwear when I'm not in the water or tanning.  An easy way to do this is to throw on a pair of women's swim trunks. Swim trunks and a bikini top. Did someone say hot surfer chick look? Bom Chicka Wah Wah.

For those of you who like a little more cover-up, match the swim trunks with a cute tankini top. Here are some ideas:

 Where to find these items?
Tops: I see tankinis everywhere now but if you're going for something sportier looking, try the athletic shops; Nike, Adidas, Reebok, etc. A sports bra with the board shorts would be a good look as well.
Swim Shorts: PacSun has a great selection for girls. Look for the surfer brands, Volcom, Oakley, Billabong etc.

Shoes for Every Occasion

Shoes are powerful little creatures.  They can really add that BAM! affect to a plain outfit and it always feels great when someone stops you on the street just to say, "hey, awesome shoes."

Sometimes we fall into the "One Pair of Shoes Death Trap" routine where we wear the same pair of shoes day in and day out because:

1. It is easy to put on, grab and go. 
2. Sort of matches with everything because it is so plain.  

I am guilty of this as well so here is a little guide to help us step out of this routine:

Where to find these awesome shoes?

Corporate: ALDO. They have a wide selection of leather shoes, not too femme. Perfect.
Business Casual: Boat shoes are in. Timberland, Lacoste, Vans, take your pick.
Laid-back: Converse.  Everybody and their grandma has a pair.
Casual: RYZ G3-series. Subtle, but definitely fly.  
Street: Reebok.  Don't be afraid to make a statement.
Beach: Old Navy. Flip flops, mix and match, get every color!

Prepare your wardrobe for "F*ck Off Days"

We all have these days when we wake up, roll out of bed, look in the mirror and see a stink face glaring back at us. No one wants to be a grouchy bitch but hey, we're all human. We all have days when we just don't give a rats ass what other people think, throw on some bummy clothes and call it a day. 

Newsflash: no one cares or knows you're having a bad day.  Don't let feeling like shit make you look like shit.  So in order to avoid ending up on "Butch Mess of the Day", prepare your wardrobe for "F*ck Off Days."

1. Go treat yourself and buy a nice pair of fitted jeans.
2. Comfy designer pull-over Ts.  
3. Slip on Vans or Converses. 
4. A nice hat.

Every time you see your reflection and think, "DAMN, I look good" it'll make your day better and better.  Trust.  

Fat Tip

Just got this pic from a friend and thought it fell into the "Fat Tip" category but also wanted to share simply for amusement.  If you have one of these in your car, fling it out the window immediately.

Butch Mess of the Day

Is it wise to wear all this heat absorbent clothes on a scorching 95 degree day in New York City?

Oh and don't get me started on the crew socks.  Always wear ankle socks with shorts, always.

Stubborness

Are androgynous lesbians more stubborn than femme lesbians? I mean men are more stubborn than woman and we do have some masculine traits. Maybe it is in our blood. Who knows.

The other day I lugged home a 50lb air conditioner on an NYC subway, traveling about 150 blocks back to my 5 story walk-up.  By the time I made it to my apartment, I looked like I had been KO'd by a tsunami.  So , why didn't I just take a cab? I went through all this trouble merely because my girl said I couldn't do it.

3 days later, I still can't lift my arms.  

Trend Alert

Just got this email from H&M, brighten things up!

Fat Tip

You've read it before, now you're going to read it here. Start the day right, always always eat breakfast.  Try doing a high protein breakfast, quick and simple. 

• Two hard boiled eggs (you can boil them the night before)
• Turkey sausage (frozen, throw it into the microwave, done)
• Or egg white veggie omelet if you have time.

Do this for 2 weeks and you will not be surprised when your 360 muffin top is not Texas-sized anymore.

Bedazzling Shoes

I am definitely feeling these shoes.  Just looking at them makes me want to dance, James Brown style.

source: http://cocoperez.com/2011-07-13-our-new-fashion-obsession/?feat=yes

Let's get funky.

Are You in a Worst-Dressed City?

Just came across this slideshow on GQ, "The 40 Worst-Dressed Cities in America." Anyone else thinking that's like the whole Unites States? A worst 10 list would have been better, but too bad I'm not an editor at GQ.

Take a look and if you live in one of these cities, try NOT to blend in.

http://www.gq.com/style/fashion/201107/worst-dressed-cities-america#slide=1

Trend Alert: Wristbands

According to GQ, wristbands are in.  Celebrities from Kanye to Johnny Depp were seen rocking these bad boys.  This would be a good step away from the token leather wristband that is so loved by boi lesbians. 

Source: http://www.gq.com/how-to/summer

LezQ approved. Ditch the leather wristband.
 

Toronto Pride Review

A little overdue but here it goes. Toronto gets:
3 wet panties!

Pros:

1. Large LGBT population, lots of diversity.
2. 3 day long street festival. The best part, wait for it, it was FREE! When I was in Pittsburgh Pride, the festival cost me $30 entrance. 
3. Saw a lot of good looking Canadians. Must be in the drinking water or the free healthcare. Who knows. 
4. A number of girl parties to choose from.   

Cons:

1. Crowded crowded crowded
2. Can only purchase alcohol from a liquor store. Say what?? Boo. I'm a New Yorker, I can get booze from a street cart.

Alright, let's get down to the most important observation I took back to the States and snuck through Customs:

So what do US lesbians have on top of toronto lesbians? Maybe 30lbs and a bucket of fried chicken, but that's about it. Not only are Toronto lesbians fit, they have style.  Everyone had their own style from their hair down to their shoes.

We gotta get it together bois. I will have to start a series of posts on fitness and nutrition because there is a difference between clothes that are intentionally fitted, and clothes that are just too tight cuz you're too fat.  I'll leave it to you to figure out which one is sexier.

Oh, forgot to mention, for those with an asian fetish, Toronto is the place to go.

Butch Mess of the Day

Did you fall into a rainbow puddle Miss Butch Mess? Too many colors, too much.  The panties are really the icing on the cake here. Boi, even if you're still in high school, pull up your pants!

Trend Alert: LMFAO Pants

LMFAO zebra print pants. Yay or nay?

Yay. Prints are in.

WWGD?

When in style doubt, I ask myself "What Would the Gays Do?"

Everyone knows our male counterparts have impeccable style. You will see the gays start a trend one season and the straight men wearing it the next.  We all know in men's fashion, one season its for "the out", the next, its "in".

So look around, take some notes.

Hitting on Girls: there is a time and a place

Bars, cafes, clubs, dog parks, work, laundry mats, street festivals, you name it but NOT WHILE WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

Why not?

1. Do you really think you'll get a number? Your chances are very low.
2. People walk for one reason, to get somewhere! No, they don't want to be harassed.  
3. It's skeevy

So this post goes out to my femmes. Often times I see skeevy men and sometimes lesbians holler at a girl on the street like she is a piece of prime rib.  No. You ain't gettin' any, so it is time to stop. 

LezQ Acceptable Behavior for Flirting While Strolling:

1. Check the girl out, look her up and down. Girl looks good for a reason, she wants people to acknowledge.
2. Flash those pearly whites (make it a smirk for those pearly yellows...) 
3. If she smiles back, combine #2 with a simple "Hey"
4. If you think you got the in, spark a convo. If not, KEEP WALKING.  Girls like attention from cute girls but keep it subtle and simple. Most likely you've made her day and she has made yours.

BBQ Wear

Time to fire up that grill. As you head to your 4th of July beer, burgers, and hot dog binge don't forget about your outfit. Baggy cargo/plaid shorts and a white tank is unacceptable.

Even if your BBQ is in a trailer park, don't do this:

Brighten things up: